Ugghh...Detroit is toying with me.

I got a jury summons a couple of weeks ago. Insert p.o.'d face here. This is the 6th time I've been called for jury duty in 19 years; 5 at the county level and 1 at the federal level. I'm really starting to take this personally when other people I know have never been called and actually want to go.

I did things the right way the first couple of times, dressed in business attire, acted properly. I found the court workers to be assho rude, insensitive, power-loving bullies.

Now, I'm trying to get on the county "do not call list". I have no idea if there is such a thing, but my goal is to look as dumb as possible so no one wants me making a decision on their trial. Gone is the newspaper, recent bestseller or text book. In is the Globe, Cosmo, and Weekly World News. Attire? Crop pants and a Tropicana Casino sweatshirt, complete with bleach marks, and gold flip flops. I can't remember if I'm under oath when I have to answer what my education is. If not, I'm considering having a "mentalpausal" moment and confusing GED with BBA, after all, the letters are close in the alphabet, right?

What ticks me off more than anything is that the county pays me $25 for the privilige (sp?) of doing my civic duty, as well as $0.10 per mile. I repeat - $0.10 per mile when gas is $4.25 per gallon. Parking downtown will be at least $10 if not $15. It's about 50 miles round trip, so they are going to pay me $5.00 for gas; my SUV gets 18.5 miles to the gallon, meaning the round trip will cost me $11.49. Let's do the math: county pays a total of $30 - $15 in parking= $15 - $11.49 in gas = leaves me $3.51 for lunch. Sounds like I'll be able to buy a bottle of water and power bar in the snack shop. And they wonder why so many people don't want to do jury duty.

Now, after fretting about this all weekend, scheming about the ultimate dumb blond look and reading materials, putting the GPS in the car, getting money from the ATM, I called the magic number on the summons, and find I don't have to show. They're going to reschedule me. They better do it soon. Of my 5 previous visits to hell, all of them have been during the winter. I don't like to go places where I don't know where the hell I am and have to park and walk during the winter. When you've got me on some sort of eternal retainer, at least give me the convenience package - nice weather only!