I've had this thought rumbling around in my head for some time, and the longer I think it, the more convinced I become that the fine folks at Kraft have a conspiracy in play to make every food contain some form of cream cheese. I'm dead serious here, people.
To give you some background about me and cream cheese, let's just suffice to say that I think it is one of the vilest (sp?), nastiest substances out there. The name is a misnomer; Cream - the tasty base of good stuff like ice cream, whipping cream, butter, and Cheese - parmagiano reggiano, gruyere, pepper jack.....I'm salivating just writing this. Cream cheese, on the other hand, has none of the good qualities it's name implies. It just has a bizarre overpowering taste and texture that resembles nothing else on this earth.
Back to my conspiracy theory.
It started with cheesecake. Why on earth would one put cheese in cake? It's wrong. Bottom line, very, very, wrong. Cheese does not belong in cake. Ever.
They, people were somehow convinced that making mashed potatoes one day ahead of time could be made better by throwing in a brick of cream cheese. Huh? I'm no mashed potato purist, but, quite frankly, if you served me good ole regular mashed potatoes, I wouldn't have a clue if you made them fresh, or smashed them a week ago. Why add the nasty taste of cream cheese?
P.C. (pre-child), I used to make homemade truffles at Christmas time. As I was on family leave last Christmas, I thought I might try my hand at it again, but lost my recipe. I checked out my favorite recipe spot on the net (Allrecipes), and the first truffle recipe that came up contained.......you guessed it, cream cheese! WTF! Why on earth would one pollute something as tasty as a good truffle with CHEESE? This is just so not right. My friends - homemade truffles done the right way are not hard to make! Time consuming? Yes. Messy? Hell, yes. But not difficult, you need no special talent to be able to do it the right way, just high quality chocolate, time to kill, and heavy whipping cream. Yes, I said HEAVY WHIPPING CREAM, not cream cheese. Two totally seperate entities.
My cream cheese conspiracy theory was well under way when I got my last edition of the free Kraft recipe magazine. They had an amazing looking chicken pot pie photo.
I love chicken pot pie!
Then, I got to the recipe. They infiltrated the gravy with.....you guessed it! Cream cheese! What would possess anyone in their right mind to even think that this could be a good idea? A standard, flavorful, homemade thick, rich gravy could not be made by mere mortals without throwing in a brick of cream cheese? This is just so wrong on so many levels!
America - be forewarned. There is a conspiracy to get you to buy and use more cream cheese. Just say no.
Now, because this is my little world, I'm going to act like the little monster boy in a classic Twilight Zone episode and say "Cream cheese - you've made me very angry - I'm sending you to the cornfield!"